Words for Mom-Joan

J's mom passed away on Mother's Day.  I just adored Joan and am heartbroken.  Over the years I've often thought of Joan as an angel sent by my mom to look after me and give me all the love, comfort and support that a daughter needs, especially while beginning to build a family of her own.  Joan did all that and more and I will miss her terribly.

Since J was already in NJ, the kids and I flew out last week to spend time with the family and mourn Joan's passing.  We held a lovely memorial ceremony that really captured the spirit of Joan.  Many family members told stories, read passages, sang songs and spoke of memories that reminded them of Joan.

At the memorial, the urn was surrounded by an array of wildflowers that reminded me of the quilt I had made for her many years ago.

A couple of family members created a slideshow that commemorated joan's life and was shown at the memorial.  I watched the slideshow with C the other day and she said "grandma must be really sad."  I asked her why and she said, "because she loved us so much".

When I got up to speak I couldn't hold back the tears but with J by my side I managed to get the words out (although how intelligibly I'm not sure).

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Joan delighted in the wonders of the world and found beauty in everything and everyone.  She had a sweet, old soul, but at the same time, was often giddy as a schoolgirl. Her grandchildren were her pride and joy.  And she cherished and encouraged what made each of them unique. 

Joan collected and saved words.  In that she admits, she and I were “a good combo.” In recent years she also began “to realize the value of e-mail conversations compared to snail mail. It's immediate and you don't have to practice patience.”

And so, I wanted to share some of her words that I collected via email over the last few years.

She thought Boston was the perfect place for souls to grow old.

She encouraged us to follow our heart-strings.

She often used the phrase wunderbar.

Of an upcoming trip to visit us in California she remarked, “Can't wait to hug you in person and sing songs.”

She loved to laugh and declared, “surely simple pleasures are the greatest.”

When Caroline was turning three, she noted, "Life is at gallop speed."

And she thought,  "73 is really up there in the atmosphere."

She loved reading our blog, seeing photos and hearing the stories of our adventures. “I've been having 'heart' laughs” she would say, and would “tune in everytime she needed the extra smile. You make me laugh," she wrote, "and that keeps us all healthy and happy.”

She never wanted to miss a moment.  She writes:

“It was like I was a kid again at a Saturday matinee; lemon stories, easter eggs bunnies, amusements sashay and all kinds of togetherness. Great fun." 

Of a picture of Kevin, I said "gorgeous", she said “amazing." He has the smilingest love-filled warm eyes I ever saw. He's the living illustration of "When Irish Eyes are Smiling." 

Of Caroline, “when she laughs, I laugh.” 

Of Josh, “his great smile reminds me of my mother's.”

When recounting the food tour of Greenwich Village, she admitted “it makes my mouth water just to tell you this.”  Oh did she enjoy eating some foods with gusto. Dark chocolate, ginger and a nice piece of crusty bread. Not to mention a good piece of meat.  She had the amazing knack of being able to get every tiny morsel of meat off the bone.  I think many of the kids and grandkids inherited that trait.

Joan wrote cards and letters diligently.  Birthday cards usually arrived a week early. When she thought of you, she let you know. She shared articles, poems, scriptures, lecture notes, words of wisdom, words of encouragement.

Following an Andrew Weil lecture on ‘healthy aging’ she wrote to the family this advice “And most of all-practice gratitude for your life and for living. Forgiveness is sometimes too 'ify'."

She did everything in her power to let you know that you were special.

I asked Caroline what she remembered most about grandma.  Her response, “she made me happy”.  And that she did.

To mom and grandma-Joan, as you did us, we  love you a bushel and a peck.