Grace by Sharon

As many of you know, my dear childhood friend and her daughter Margaux died last year in a tragic accident in Africa. I was cleaning out some drawers yesterday and came across a few letters that I had received from Sharon over the years (she was such a beautiful writer that I could never part with them). One struck me as particularly touching that I just had to share.
June 5, 2000

I think I am learning more from tutoring than my students are. I went to a little dinner/ceremony last week in honor of the tutors. One student read a piece she wrote about her journey to the Literacy Center. She wrote that she had attended a literacy program in California a few years ago, before coming to NY, but she dropped out - “It was not to be”, she explained. I thought this was a great statement. I have heard it many times before, but it struck me because I realized that it is something I never think to myself. We were brought up to believe that we could accomplish anything we set our minds to. We are taught to shoulder the responsibility of our own achievements (and inadvertently our failures). The American Dream tells us it is so. Some people even like to assign personal blame for illnesses - poor diet, no exercise, bad karma... What a relief, I thought, to for once be able to say, “It was not to be.” I felt so free thinking about it. For it’s true - there are some things that are just not meant to be - whether it be because of timing, or something else that takes it’s place, or fate.

There is something else underlying the statement, though, and that something is God. Many of the students praise God in their writing and I have found it strange to realize that God is always close to their thoughts. I guess God is in mine as well, but I would never think to praise God in my writing. God to me has never been something to praise - neither good nor evil - what is there to praise? However, I started thinking about Grace. I read a poem once about Grace and it has stuck in my mind because I thought it was so beautiful. I had always thought it was something about dance or curtsying or using the correct fork at dinner. I had a small epiphany about the meaning of Grace of God after this recognition ceremony. I realized that when everything is going right - whether it be that you received your promotion or found the most beautiful apartment or you just made the train at the perfect time or whatever, when everything seems to be right in your life - that is Grace. I have always thought it was luck (and we make our own luck don’t we?). I am happier, however, believing it is Grace.